On 12/18/14, at 8:15pm, the phone clamored for my attention. On the other end was a doctor from the emergency room stating my son Logan had been admitted, and that a large team was working on him. What? I just saw him about an hour ago. He’d snuck out on his bike to go to the store at the end of our street, and never made it. Struck by a careless sixteen-year-old driver, I never got to say good-bye to Logan. I never said a final “I love you.”
When my husband and I made it to the hospital, we were told Logan passed away from a brain injury fifteen minutes earlier. I fell to my knees and cried in pain and disbelief. I cried out to God for strength, and soon I was calm enough to see him and say good-bye. I am not by nature a strong person, but the Holy Spirit strengthened me that night, and has not left me since. When I feel overwhelmed, I pray and feel God’s presence.
Christmas wasn't the same this year, but my family and I realized in a fresh, deeper way that the season is about Jesus and not material things. I know Logan believed. He confessed his sins and asked Jesus into his heart a few months before the accident. I haven't fully accepted his passing, but I feel that this is part of God's way of protecting me and easing me into the grief and loss. Often I feel like I'm going to lose it, like I’m living everything again for the first time, but I know I'll see Logan again.
God's plan was bigger than I could ever imagine. Logan’s life and even his death touched so many people. Friends and strangers tell me they accepted Jesus after Logan passed. Maybe this was Logan's purpose in life. I don't know when I'll see Logan again. I have to wait until I've fulfilled my purpose on Earth. Until then, I'll do everything I can to bring whoever I can to Jesus.
I wish I could tell those who feel invincible, like Logan, that you're not. My son was the strongest guy I know. You never know when your time is up, so live your life each day as if it’s your last.
Losing my child and best friend was the worst pain imaginable. Yet I’m learning to believe and trust in God's plan for strength, comfort, and sometimes the ability to get through another day. Logan wouldn't want to see me broken in disbelief.
Logan was an all-star baseball player. He could fix anything, was a free spirit, and a country boy with a bit of a temper. Maybe I’m biased, but he was an all-around good guy. Yet after what he's experiencing in heaven, I would be selfish to ask him back to this world. As much as I'd love to hold him again, I have to learn to submit to God’s plan ahead of our own. Logan’s death left a hole in my heart that can never be replaced, but God is good at fixing broken hearts.
We love and miss you, Logan, more than ANY words can EVER begin to express.
Story submitted by Michelle, Logan's mom.