Not Cheap But Worth It
As a survivor of childhood abuse, I’ve learned to forgive even when my mind tells me a person does not deserve my forgiveness. My motivators to keep a clean heart in life come from a few factors. The first, Matthew 6:15 (NIV) "But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins." Second, my husband's word about how we as Christians should not even desire that the worse criminal goes to Hell; how even they can repent of their sins and God would have forgiven him. And third, if I hold bitterness in my heart than it is only hurting myself by choosing not to forgive.
I must admit that choosing to let go of life changing pain, which has affected almost every area of my marriage, family, life, and Christian walk was not easy, but Jesus. He gave me the promise that if I hungered after him and his Word, He would heal me. It was my job to choose to mind my thoughts, actions, and attitudes toward those who wounded me by daily and sometimes hourly verbally speaking out that I choose to forgive them. There were times when I needed the Holy Spirits help and strength to continue my forward healing motion, which sometimes prayers were set up to Heaven in the fetal position as I balled my heart out to God, yet he honored those prayers and slowly but surely poured his healing oils upon my life.
One of the key puzzle pieces to my healing process was healthy relationship. God gave me a group of people who were strong enough to support me throughout my journey, who love me enough to help me establish healthy boundaries for my life. My husband, friends, and leaders at my church became my physical heavenly touch during processing the deep-seated grief that seemed almost impossible to remove. I thank God for how these people patiently and lovingly aided me along my journey.
There were times when all I’d do is cry for hours for the young girl who was so violated. My husband, a forever rock in my life, would hold me and pray for Jesus to help and heal me, to restore my joy, and make me whole. Also, I must be honest; God has given me some of the best and healthiest closest friends that also had big shoulders and hearts to see me to the other side of being free of bitterness and guilt. As for my church, at the time, we had a very strong women’s group with a leader who understood what I was going through; she, herself walked a similar path and had a desire to see me healthy and free. Lastly, God had given me a promise that he would heal me if I were willing to press into the pain and let him do the work.
Completely Set Free
Today, I am healed and completely set free from the bitterness chains, which use to bind me. I can honestly say that I love the person/persons that crushed a little child’s understanding of safe places and trust. I could not have traveled the road of healing on my own; God knew that so he provided me safe people and his Holy Spirit to lead me and guide me towards success. God truly is my healer and deliver. Amen!