Why is this happening?

Raised by Grandmother

"God allowed me to be blessed so that I can be a blessing to hurting families and other hurting adolescents."    - Marcia

March is Women's History Month. The United States has observed it annually since 1987.  The purpose of Women's Month is to remember the contributions of notable and ordinary women in our culture and society.  History helps us learn who we are. Recognizing the achievement of women has a huge impact on girls and young women. A lot of women have endured hardships in their life. Whether it results from personal or professional experiences, the ability to overcome any obstacle can lead to greater strength or a collapse of faith. Every family has problems. Faith is often passed down through generations. Faithful parents try to raise their children to keep the faith. Grandparents often play a key role in the forming of faith because of the wisdom they gained throughout their life.

Unfortunately, Marcia was abandoned at birth by her mother, a high school dropout because of drug addiction and was raised by her grandmother. Marcia's mother and grandmother endured abuse, neglect, and addiction throughout their lives.  As a child growing up, Marcia didn't have a close relationship with her grandmother. Whenever Marcia's mother came around, she was often high on drugs. Marcia would hear stories about her mother and felt embarrassed. Writing a poem and talking to herself was often the solution to help Marcia overcome any problems. Receiving professional help was not an option for her or popular among families in her community. Marcia started drinking by the time she was in high school, and by college, she was experimenting with drugs.   Resentment was the primary reason for her behavior during this period in her life. Eventually she asked God for grace and mercy and He blessed her life with positive people. Tragedy prepared her to be a pioneer and blessing to others. Marcia was persistent not to let her past control her destiny and went on to receive her Ph.D.

If you are struggling with dysfunctional family members, here are some points to consider:

Realize that your identity comes from God. 

Recognize that we all endure hardships.

Reach out for help. Find a trusted family member, friend or friend. 

Rebellion can bring pain for us and others, but God is always waiting with open arms and forgiveness.

Reconcile differences if you are able to do so, but be aware that some family patterns may cause relationships to fail.
"No one is exempt from tragedy or disappointment - even God was not exempt.  Jesus offered no immunity, no way out of the unfairness, but rather a way through it to the other side. Just as Good Friday demolished the instinctive belief that this life is supposed to be fair, Easter Sunday followed with its startling clue to the riddle of the universe. Out of the darkness, a bright light shone" (114).

Words to Live By

"Rather, clothe yourselves with the Lord Jesus Christ, and do not think about how to gratify the desires of the flesh" Romans 13:14 (NIV).

"Therefore if any man be in Christ, he is a new creature: old things are passed away; behold, all things are become new" 2 Corinthians 5:17 (KJV).

"So submit yourselves to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you" James 4:7 (Revised Edition, NABRE).

Dr. Ron's Perspective:  

Everyone gets their feelings hurt now and then, it's normal. Everyone feels the sting of rejection at some point in their life.  That's normal too. But feelings of abandonment are different. These feelings can be very intense and painful and take an emotional toll, causing harm well into adulthood. The loss of a parent through death in childhood, parental divorce or a significant loss at any time can cause abandonment fears. This can affect people in many ways. Sometimes, it causes people to be emotionally needy and overly attached to someone, even if the relationship is very dysfunctional and abusive. People cling to others because they are afraid of being alone. At other times, it can cause someone  to remain emotionally detached and distant in adult relationships. People are afraid to get emotionally close because they fear the relationship will ultimately end and feelings of abandonment will be triggered. It can take time to trust people again. But remember, no matter what you face, God is on your side. And God  wants you to have healthy relationships. Whatever you face at the present time, don't give up. You are not alone.  Keep pressing forward and one day you will feel better.

Recommended Resources: 

Emotionally Destructive Relationships- Leslie Vernick

Rock Bottom, Jeremiah's Story

National Institute on Drug Abuse

National Institute on Drug Abuse, College-Age & Young Adults

National Council on Alcoholism and Drug Dependence, Inc, Signs and Symptoms

National Council on Alcoholism and Drug Dependence, Facts About Drugs

Inspiring Lessons From Women of the Bible: 

Eve: Grace and Temptation Genesis 2:22; 2:23; 2:8; 3:4-6; 3:13; 3:16; 3:21; Genesis 3:23-24; 4:1-2; 1Timothy 2:14  

Mary: Obedience and Trust Luke 1:26; 1:27; 1:36; 3:31; Mark 3:31-32; Luke 1:30-33; 1:38; 1:42-45; 2:4-7; John 2:1-5; John 19:25-27; Acts 1:12-14

Ruth: Obedience and Loyalty  Book of Ruth; Matthew 1:5-6

Esther: Courage, Wisdom, and Creativity Book of Esther 

Elizabeth: Unexpected Blessings Luke 1:5-7; 1:11-17; 1:24; 1:39; 1:41-45; Matthew 11:11 

Rachel: Beauty does not necessarily result in contentment Genesis 29:5-10; 29:28; 30:22-24; 35:16-20; 30:1; 31:19; 30:22-24; 35:18

Hagar: Prejudice, injustice, abuse, and despair Genesis 16:1; 16:15; 16:3-4; 15:4-5; 16:10; 16:15; 16:6-7; 21:14; 21:20-21 

Mary Magdalene: Mercy, Loyalty, and Generosity Luke 8:2-3; Matthew 27:55-61; John 20:1-2; John 20:13; John 20:16-18; Mark 16:1-10; Matthew 28:10

Martha: Serving John 11:1; Luke 10:38; Luke 10:39; John 11:21-27; Luke 10:38-42; John 12:1-2

Rebekah: Trust, Assertiveness, Purity, Holiness, and Patience Genesis 24:14; 25:23; 25:21; 25:28 Genesis 22:23: 25:20-28; 26:7-8, 29:12;  35; 27:5-15, 42-46; 28:5; 35:8; 49:31; Romans 9:10

Sarah: Faith  Genesis chapters 11 through 25; Isaiah 51:2; Romans 4:19, 9:9; Hebrews 11:11; 1 Peter 3:6

Bathsheba: Wisdom and Protection   Samuel 11:1-3, 12:24; 1 Kings 1:11-31, 2:13-19; 1 Chronicles 3:5; Psalm 51:1

Rahab: Survival Joshua 2:1-21; 6:17, 22, 23, 25; Matthew 1:5; Hebrews 11:31; James 2:25

Jochebed: Pray without ceasing Exodus 6:20, and Numbers 26:59

Miriam: Justice   Exodus 2

Tamar: Hypocrisy   Genesis 38

Deborah: Encouragement, Motivation, and Inspiration   Judges 4


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